Welcome.

Hello and welcome to my Dead Dreams, a diary that gets into my head and turfs out the Dreams and nightmares. Poetry, thoughts, stories, dreams and conversation will be commonly found on my page, Or, if you find me boring, head on over to Julies Gems one off the funniest sites on the blogspot.

Good Luck Keeping up!

Sunday 30 October 2011

I should probably write. I haven't been able to for a couple of days now. A lot of people are rejecting me, or it feels like they are. They're acting like they know me, know what I really am, but when I tell them the truth of what I am they deny it. They give me the mumbo jumbo shit back, telling me what I already know they're gonna say. If it came from a guy I'd accept it, but I think I must be sexist because when it comes from a girl I can't. I don't like being round girls, They just remind me of my mistakes. They remind me of my sick first kiss, of what I've done that if I told no one would believe me about.
Mikey, I'm pretty sure, hasn't forgiven me. He doesn't trust me, and that hurts because, somehow, one person in Israel has touched my life with so much force it's made me change the way I live. Yeah that sounds stupid and unbelievable, just the delusional murmurings of a 13 yr old, but he has changed me. And I wish I hadn't betrayed him, and I wish I could earn back his trust, but I don't see my Mister Heart-Of-Gold much anymore. I wish, though, that I'd never found out what he said to my friend behind my back. I really hope that he doesn't truly believe that I have no future, because I've never proved him wrong before, but if he believes that then Sorry Mikey, but I'm about to start.

Right, I better get dressed so I can go destroy some pumpkins in my new hat. I hope it doesn't get sticky.

Wednesday 26 October 2011

Burning bridges never made me cry.

Goodbye, Grew.

Last night was AWESOME!

Oh my god, Last night was awesome beyond compare. It's gonna be a day I look back at and smile. We got the ENTIRE shout chat on skype. literally, EVERYONE. RyRy, Wacko, Grew, Angel, Theo/merp, and even Teddy joined. Teddy decided to show why he got his original nickname - Hypa boi - RyRy was laughing and scaring us with troll sites, wacko was being... uh... Wacko, Grew was sitting there giggling, Merp was Derping, and for the most part angel was quiet in awe at Teddy accent which is, apparently, bloody brilliant. Ry and Teddy got into a light hearted insult fight, which is one of the funniest things I've seen, specially when I know both  (I was gonna say guys but they're not) Boys are laughing about it. Ry was Drunk, Teddy was hyper and me and Angel barely stopped giggling all night.

I love these guys! I will upload a bit of proof why later.

Friday 21 October 2011

To disturbing

Last nights dream was so disturbing I can't write it up. It was just Sick beyond belief... The character in it, the main "antagonist" has no name, but a remarkably familiar face, I can't place it though. He'd been watching me, and kept all videos and pictures stored on an iphone, and Iphone filled with my life. So I stole the SD card (Not that they have SD cards I think I actually called it a 3F card..) And well he was a bit sick in getting it back. It felt so familiar, it came from a part of my life I want to leave behind but can't. It reflected on my means of  getting out of tricky situations. Imagine you're in a room with a locked iron door and no key. Most would try to pick the lock or call for help. Me? I mine out using the pick axe I was hiding up my sleeve. I back myself up where ever I tread and always have safety lines attached. In my dream, that was his safety line, so I stole it and made it my own. Moral of the story? I'm not as clever  as I think. But neither was he, as I gave him back a blank 3F card cause I copied it all to my pc. :3I kinda hate how bad theese dreams are getting, and worse- that they're dreams, not nightmares..

EDIT: Identified the mystery guy. Name's Lucifer, I made him up for a few stories. Exactly how I'd thought of him, is how he appeared in the dream. Nice to put a name to a face.

Thursday 20 October 2011

Dreams thoughts and I hate evenings.

Every night. Just like it was before, I get like this. I'm not thinkin negative, I'm thinking truthfully, he was never my guy. I never had a claim to him, he is just my brother. In 3 months he's gone from the sandbox for good, which means he'll be gone from me, as well. He's not on often at home, so I won't see him. I can walk away, but it would still be painful, I think differently but the attraction is still there. Grew says I shouldn't run, he asked me not to, but I'm losing him and the weight is forcing me down, a constant load on my brow and shoulders. I wish he'd read this, but he doesn't. I write this for the 2 most influential guys in my life, heart-of-gold and Teddy, but neither read it. Instead, hawk, grew and occasionally others read through and learn about me. I don't think of them when I write, if I did nothing would be posted. I just write. And I don't care who sees, because its just thoughts, and dreams, nightmares and longings. My innermost desires and fantasys are still locked up inside. None of them are dirty, none are sexual, they're just private, and will be revealed in time. And if you're an authority figure reading this, shame on you for reading it, and good luck getting me to talk.

Wednesday 19 October 2011

Tigers partys and rock 'n' roll (D)

Ok I'm rapidly falling asleep but I need to type up my dream so I've got some JA in my ears so I can type.
Ok it started on a school trip/holiday. We were on this big ship, im pretty sure it was a holiday cruiser, the cream and titanium walls sloped outwards on both sides and a plush carpet ran down the corridor. We were all assigned rooms, the Grew family together in the first door RM in the next, then AN, and so on. Me and Tiger were right down the end in theese plush suites, his had a double be and a single, mine had a double bed with a massive tv screen in covering one wall and a five screened computer againts the other. Tigers room had a door that came out under the stairs that went up to th dance floor. That evening we all went up and got smashed, or as the American phrases it, obliterated. Well everyone bar me and callum, who sat at the back in a booth watching and chatting, sipping our drinks calmly. Until Grew came over and pulled me up that is, jamming lucozade into one hand and dragging me we other. I stopped switched hands and grabbed Tiger with me. In my head I can see his grin and hear his laugh, they capture my attention everythine I hear them. Anyway, so we danced, drunk and had a generally had a good time, but me and Tiger came back only half drunk, still stumbling but still sane through the drink. I couldn't find the cardkey to my door, nor could I be asked to look for it, so I said stuff it il bunk in his room. He was drunk enough to say yes and pointed me towards the single bed while he took of his top and dived into the double. When I knew he was looking away I got undressed and slipped into the single. But I couldn't get warm. The sheets were silky smooth and I can only sleep in rougher ones, I just couldn't warm up. Tiger seemed to know this cause he sat up and whispered across the room, saying I could share with him if I was cold. Gratefully I accepted, tiptoeing across the floor and slipping in behind him. Immediately I felt warmer, heat just seemed to radiate from him. Tentivley I put my fingers and then my palms on his back. He shivered but didn't object so I slid them round him an moved closer, hugging him backwards like I do Teddy Bears. The next bit really was just black, the only thing I could see were my hands on his chest. But I knew what was happening. He'd turned over and was facing me, I could feel his breath and his eyes looking at mine. I know what happened, but I choke when I try to put into words. You can probably take rhe line of thought and guess anyway. I just remember him saying... "We can do more after the check ups" or something like that. Anyway, dawn arrived and we got dressed but we kept moving closer to each other than normal. Grew picked up on it, giving me obvious looks of "there's something going on between You two" RM picked up on it, winking when he passed me in The coridoor and sendinf a wolf whistle over his shoulder, and TV kept gis distance and seemed to sulk like a child, which knowing him, isn't that unlikely. Day went past and I got back in my room, which me and Grew promptly crashed in and covered the floor with sweet wrappers and lollipop sticks. This time everyone headed off, I went to bed, and then in the middle of the night something felt, well, wrong. I had this sick feeling, so I got up and slipped on what I call basic blacks, plain black longsleave top and black velvet trousers and socks, a simple outfit I wear for moving around at home, grabbed my keycard and slipped over to Tigers room. He grunted at the light and I quickly shut the door, slipping over and crouching down by his bedside, looking at him. His face was scrunched up as if in agony, his brow carried the heavy weight if panic and he made whimpering sounds. A nightmare, perhaps? I caressed his cheek and tried to sooth him, getting more and more worried by the minute. His forehead was burning and he was coated in a cold sweat. I was going on instict, soothing him like a mother does her child. He seened ro settle a bit so I kissed him gently on the forehead. With a start he woke up, crying out and pushing me away. I grabbed his hands and shhed him, it was only me don't worry. I flicked on a light and he relaxed, sighing like a heavy weight ha been lifted from his shoulders. He shivered and burried himself under the bedclothes. I got up and clicked a switch to setting three and retrieved a cold flannel and a glass of water from the kitchen and brought them through. He drank greedily and I put the flannel on his forehead, setting three warming up the electric blanket underneath. Eventually he nodded off and I stayed sat at the corner of his bed for the rest of the night. The next day I slept curled up in a chair in the corner of his room as he recovered. and that's how it went, a cycle of party, bed, ill, and recover for every guy I cared for. Tiger, AN, RM and TB, with Hawkeye helping me at every turn.

Some people would say its weird I dream of people I don't know, friends I've never met, but the truth is I know them just aa well as there closest friends, if not better. And I wouldnt have it any other way. I may be the lamest of lame friends but I have the best I could ask for, and who are you to take that away? :)

Tuesday 18 October 2011

Forgetful much...

I wish I could tell you why I run, but you'd laugh. You joke but you don't realise the words are exactly how I feel, and that your destroying my feelings when you laugh at them. You don't realise that I go both ways and your someone that shows this up like a beacon. You forget that I feel for girls as well as my guy y'know, you forget that you fit the bill. You just forget andnt admit...

Subline

Taken from a book,
Between the lines,
Thrown to the stars,
Oh how they shine
It shapes our lives,
Completely mine,
And will do,
'Till our demise.

Sunday 16 October 2011

Saturday 15 October 2011

Oh my Wacko, Our Aiden...

I remember the times you heard me cry,
and listened in disdain,
But over and over, day by day,
You still come back again.

You tell me I'll get through it,
You're the one that I believe,
The one that keeps it straight and plain,
When my tears come three by three,

You're never very mean,
And you try to keep it clean,
But around your friends and brothers too,
It's amazing you're still you!

Oh we love you loads and loads,
And don't you ever forget,
In times of deep peril,
You will always have our debt.

Oh my brother, My friend,
Talented beyond compare,
How we love you so and forever,
I hope we will get to stay together.

Plans, Experiments and storys

Righty-ho!
Drawing up some tech plans for minecraft, turning out to be tricky but hey ho, it's fun though I have to do lot of research to find out what I wanna find out so my haunted mansion isn't gonna be done just yet. Kinda wish SOMEONE hadn't got me into it! I was doing well! Either way if you wanna lend a hand I'll send you over the server and you can help me out.

Last time I posted I posted about 4 stones in a dream I had, well now I'm trying to make them. I'm just doing experiments at the moment, but it's promising and I think do-able. I stared with blue and if I can get that then I'll do orange and so on.

Storys! weyhey, I've done a bit to them this week, but it's hard to keep them going with everything going on. Going from Dream to Hell to Dream takes it's toll, 'specially when I forget to switch my head back into school mode and daydream half a lesson, then can't do the work.
Risky work being the renegade at the back of the class, I just wish I wasn't so damn attached. To many people it would hurt to leave behind. Gotta lose the baggage I've got hanging around, so if you see yourself disappearing, or you wake up and I'm gone, tough luck.

Saturday 8 October 2011

Ouch, I've an evil head.

Weirdly wonderful dream.

Starting with a car boot (or jumble) sale at my school. Most of the stores had the normal junk, books computer games ect. I took a short cut from the front of the school to the back through the P.E corridor. I got half way through the crowd and turned back - I couldn't be arsed. As I headed back out a stool near the doors leading onto the playground A little stall caught my attention. It had shiny stones scattered on the table, green, red, blue, orange, pink, loads of colours. Four stood out to me. They were richly coloured stones/crystals on white elastic that just seemed attached, there was no holes or glue, the stones were unmarred. Each stone had a symbol on the bottom of the front side. There was a sign saying no payment needed, so I swiped them up and went outside. I put them all on, and looked around. I silently wished I was on the other side of the P.E block, so I could see the rest of the stalls. The next thing I know, I'm leaning against the steel fence around the astro turf - On the Other side of the P.E block, Right where I wanted to be! I look down to in time to catch a whisp of glowing purple sparks wrap around the stones and fade out of existence. Nobody seemed to notice anything, so I try to think of somewhere else to go. I decide on the roof. Poof! (Well more like purple sparks) and I'm there. I took of the amulets and sat down on the roof, far enough away from the edge that no one could accidentally look up and spot me. I picked up the deep orange one and held it flat in my palm wondering slightly if it could do anything on its own. as if it heard me, a lick of burning flame swirled above it. I nearly dropped the stone in surprise, But when it didn't harm me I just silently wished it away. I picked up the browny one. It resembled Tigers Eye stone, and when I wondered what it could do, a single vine sprouted from the front, curling and twisting its way up to my eye level, where it curled towards me slightly, an action that was almost a bow, at which it uncurled rapidly, receding back into the stone. My shaking fingers replaced it on the tarmac texture roof. I held the blue stone in one hand, the cleary grey in the other and asked them silently to show me what they could do. I added a hurried separately to the thought as a mini hurricane of wind formed in one hand and a spiral of glistening, shining, twirling crystal water appeared in the other. I laughed out of disbelief and thanked them away. Something told me thanks were owed. I played around for a while and started using different thoughts - I wish I was with Sammy - I wonder what the school looks like from above - I could really use a drink of water, I wish I had one. Poof, Poof, Poof! But as the saying goes, Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.


I wish I could see HIM, I wish I could surprise HIM.


Wrong Wish.
Truly, I have a cruel, twisted imagination.
Wishing to be with him when where he is is night time, and your not on his mind, and his hands definitely aren't on you?
Cheater.
When the last thing on his mind is the young girl he's leading on in his spare time? When he's concentrating more on the girl underneath him?
Liar.
The feeling when you wake up and realise it's probably true? 
Horrifying.
The feeling that you still have to face him? That you can't let him go?
Painful.
When you realise that this is just him?
Strangely reassuring. 

Friday 7 October 2011

An old story

Well I was rummaging through old files and uploads on my google docs account and low and behold  I find an old story... I can't remember why  I wrote it, but it's one of many criss-crossing pieces of work, as all of them connect... just not that obviously yet. Anyway, For your entertainment here it is.


Friday 13th September 5.00 pm.

“Ohh, come on!” Sighed Lucifer. ”It’s just dark! There is no such thing as ghosts...”
“I didn’t say anything about ghosts, Lu. I just said that old Anny McCormick died in there and by ‘investigating’ we are being intrusive don’t ya think?” argued Daniel.
“C’mon if we investigate here now, we’re going to be the most popular guys in the 6th form. Besides it can’t be that ba-“  He never finished. The gloomy forest parted to reveal a tall spooky tower sheltering the cracked and broken manor house below. The windows were boarded up hiding the mysterious insides. Along the walls, shadows fell into deeper crevices that once held statues and the bricks crumbled under pressure and the front door was rotting away and had become a house in itself for woodlice.  As the boys approached the wildlife seemed to silence in shocked anticipation of the events that were about to unfold.  They pushed open the door and were greeted by a terrible smell wafting down from upstairs. As they stepped inside the smell got stronger and stronger.  “What is that?” whispered Lu, disgusted. Dan didn’t answer; instead he pulled off one of the crumpled, once white sheets, to reveal a piano. “I recognise this,” he mumbled.
“Huh?” replied Lu, only half listening.
“Nothing...” Wavered Dan as he tugged away another dusty sheet. For a while silence fell like a blanket over the house, only being disrupted as the boys dragged off the sheets that covered all remaining furniture in the house. Gradually Dan became aware of another noise. At first he thought it was Lu shifting around but he soon noticed that Lu was making a different noise entirely, as he was trying to peel the carpet up so he could check for hidden safes and trap doors underneath. Suddenly the sound became louder and Dan started to worry. Eventually he broke the silence, “Lu can you hear that? It sounds like walking.” In response Lu tipped his head and listened.
“Yeah, It sounds like its –“
“-Above us.”finished Dan. Suddenly, as if the mysterious presence upstairs knew that it had been identified the noise quickened and long since rotted away floor boards on the stairs started to creak. The boys looked at each other in desperation and hastily hid in a half collapsed pantry cupboard, listening in scared anticipation. The footsteps crept along the floorboards heading straight towards the cupboard where they stopped and seemed to examine the door with snuffling breaths. After what seemed like an age the footsteps seemed satisfied and returned to the constant pacing upstairs. Carefully the boys opened the door and after summoning all the courage they could, bolted for the front door. They leaped over the white sheets and weaved in and out off the ancient furniture, hearts racing. Lu was out front in seconds and only when he reached the borderline of the woods did he notice the lack off footsteps behind him. He glanced around but didn’t stop running. No one was in sight. Where was Dan? he wondered. Suddenly an ear splitting scream cracked the silence like a hammer to an egg. But still Lu’s step didn’t falter. There was no way in hell he was going back there - not even for his best friend.

The next day Daniel Jeanne was reported officially missing. His parents publicly announced this and begged for any information of his whereabouts.

Three months later the police got an anonymous tip that he was seen on the 14 September looking out of the upper floor manor house window in the middle of the woods. When this information was received the police immediately initiated a siege on the house which was backed up by SWAT teams. During the search they found Dans body lying in the attic off the manor decapitated with his wrist chained to the floor. The time of death was accurately pinpointed at 3.00pm on the 13 September that same year.

But that can’t be can it? Go on, look at the the date it started. Look at the time. How can I be sure that's what happened? I hear you ask. Trust me I know. OK,  say I humor you, how can the medical examiner be so sure? I hear you think. Trust me he was right.

Signed

Daniel Jeanne
  Trainee Medical Examiner

Oh for the love of drunk archers...

Cider/Alcohol + Archers = really REALLY REALLY Hilarious conversations... Just.. Wow So much, so fast. Books, Niel Gaiman, Terry Pratchet, The movie Cars, Hunter arrow points, Youtube Videos, Exploding pumpkins, bonfires, rankfurters, marshmallows, fields, scrubland, marshland, dead elderly people, curatins, dust sheets, nets, White fairys, White FRIARS, Beliebers, zits.. and SO MUCH MORE! And that was BEFORE the alcohol... I barely survived...

Can't wait for the next time!

Wednesday 5 October 2011

Hawkeye

Like a hawk I'm soring above you,
Preparing to dive and capture my prey
Oh what a view what a view
Are you prepared to die, today?

My talons are sharp,
I'm locked on to you,
Would you like to see that wonderful view?
Dropped from a height,
You hit the ground,
I bid you good night,
For this go round.

We'll meet again,
Of that I'm sure,
Resurrected the same,
To settle the score.

Tuesday 4 October 2011

Hello Me!

Got into a conversation with Hawk about, what would you do, if you could meet yourself? If you passed yourself in the street, would you recognised yourself? Would you make conversation? Slap yourself? Ignore yourself? Start a  fight? I know what I'd do... But is it logical?

Riddle me this..

Heart says yes,
Head says no,
Which way on earth,
Do I go?

Monday 3 October 2011

Awah

Starting your day to "how're you beautiful" from a lovely guy is brilliant. :') sooo glad I am!

Sunday 2 October 2011

Saturday 1 October 2011

Been writing...

...A new part of HIM. Well, It's HER at the moment, I'm writing from the opposite PoV.
Now.
I is Girl.
PoV is Guy.
Is writing easy?
Not in the slightest.
I'd be fine if I wasn't basing the male Char around TB. He who I can't understand at the best of times, and He who is not even here for me to bounce ideas off of!

WRITING Y U SO HARD?


Oh well, I'll get it done.