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I went down my blogs and noticed I haven't uploaded any dreams lately. This isn't because I haven't been having dreams, this is because they're dissipating to quickly. Or I'm deliberately forgetting them. A lot are just to confusing... Things are getting weird.

Admittedly I have been a bit wound up in my own happy little world, till last night, when I doubted myself enough to let the bad back in. Clearly if I want to keep my happy little world I need to trust myself AND my friends enough not to doubt, because a little bit of doubt is to much doubt.

Is it meant to be this hard, or am I just tricky?

Deja You.

Ok so I'm a total utter softy sometimes, and I love the chances for hugs and cuddles.

But I'm indecisive to if I like this.

Actually stuff that I DO like this, it's brilliant. But when I look at where it could go, I see the same dark deceivingly dingy path that I've been down so many times. And I wont Lie, That scares me.  I don't wanna go back! I'm close to tears thinking about the pain and sorrow That've been caused by that simle step in the wrong direction. I wonder if I'll be able to stop it this time. I mainly just wish I could think of something else. Because this is going to torture me I figure it out..

Ah casually Freaking out on your Hawkey, trying to deny something that's obviously true. We make our own destiny, out own fate, I WILL MAKE THIS GO MY WAY!  I can I know I can. and I will.

Eye of the Storm
Circling above
Logics reform
Unforgivingly tough.

Hopeless Dragon

Yes Ladybugs and Gentlebeans, I finally finished my second tribal piece, Dedicated to Madam Dwagon and Hopeless.

Now to do the tree.

Hug withdrawal

Woke up this morning with the frantic urge to go back into my dream. Can't remember what the dream way but hey-ho.
Since then I've made a new MineCraft server, Played enough with Wacko for him to get bored, Uhmm Edited the map a bit for all out situations, and painted a bit more of my current project.

 I'm so incredibley sleepy.... May have to see if I can last another night...

Art galleries...

Are really dull. But the shops aren't so much...  I got myself a pretty plain tudor style ring and my gran a fridge magnet. Wandered around some van gogh peices but overall it was a dull day. But better than the alternative.

The Hatter and Hopeless

Ah the things that happen in a short space of time... My really really happy state as worked down to a more sustainable positive calm. Much easier to work through the day with and think through. But I didn't post my update did I? Ok ill start at the begining.

I'm a curious kid, to be fair, but I don't do straight, In any form, I always have been the bendy ruler in the pot. I like a mystery. I migrate towards things I don't understand and try to figure them out. To fix the problems I have, I have to know how. I don't like not knowing. I like knowledge, I like filling my head with books and information, facts and figures, profiles of those around me. So when someone new turns up, I like to talk to them and find out what they're like. Now cast your mind back down my list of posts to a double post about the Excaliber shoot. I shot with a young boy called Callum and his dad, and had a bloody brilliant time. Now what I don't remember mentioning (I may have though) was that on one of the targets, I'd shot, and everyone else had gone to get the arrows. I-being me and being lazy- was still sat down by the pegs when someone I'd spotted earlier in the day, came up to where I was. It was a narrowish path and I was sat in the middle of it, so I shuffled towards the edge to let him go by. But he didn't go by, he stopped and started talking to me! Now if you were there, you'd understand why A) this was a slightly strange occurrence, and B) I was probably staring at him. Let me explain.

The first time I'd seen this guy all I could see wat the back of him. Or mainly, the fluorescent jacket he was wearing that picked him out as a marshall and arrow finder, like Grews dad was that day. His jacket, much to a lot of peoples amusement, had "Complaints Department" written on it. However I didn't know what it was, but even from a distance you could see the handle of something sticking out from underneath his jacket, and that it was puckered around equipment on his belt.

Now that he was up close, I could see what was puckering up his jacket. They were knives. And machetes. And (as I found out not long after) the handle I'd seen? He just casually had an axe through his back beltloop. Way to pique my curiosity! When he did pass through and move to the next target I got up and followed the path after him. Don't ask me why cause to this day I don't know, all I do know is I was, and still am, completely and utterly fascinated by him.

I didn't know his name until I asked my dad, and by then I'd dubbed him as Hopeless. I saw him around after that, I know I was looking around deliberately to find him. I didn't get much of a chance to talk to him, I'm normally in my own little world at archery, and with everything else I was trying to keep myself sane, and that meant letting my curiosity burn in the background. But at totem I started talking to him again, and it felt a bit like we'd never stopped. (Oh and next time he needs to try harder on the bear hug, he left me able to breathe last time!)

The stangest part for me was liberty. There was a bit of waiting around so we had a fair time to chat. But we chated like old friends, not people who barely knew each other. It feels like I've known him forever. He makes me grin like crazy, hence what I said at the start.

Oh and I managed to write this on a coach, I'm in london for the day. Art gallerys ftw!>.>

Revelations!

I'm hanging on to the last edges of a dream... or just last night in general...

Revelations!
At least my instincts still work. 
So, I'm either still a sucker ruse, or I can still find people that think like me. But this time... maybe a little closer to home. Until yesterday I didnt realise how much of an absoloute sucker I am for hugs. Meh! I am a self confessed hugaholic. Hehe.

Gah bloodtests. I hate them!! In the waiting room at the moment. Grrrrr... Best go...